Why I am still not at the gym.
I was reading an email from pal Lisa who is helping with Little H’s sleep patterns. I looked down at the computer. I heard squeals of delight. I looked up at the exersaucer and saw little toes squishing in this.
AAAAAUUGH!!
I grabbed the camera which made him angry. Once I snapped a few shots I had to make a plan of action.
- Get one of the old dog towels
- lay towel down, set baby on towel, roll into burrito, take photo of angry stinky burrito
- carry poopy burrito to bathroom
- quickly remove toy bag and toys from tub to avoid cross contamination before human burrito unrolls himself and becomes bathmat-poopybaby-dogtowel sandwich
- run poopy baby under faucet. Be happy I bought cheap-o inflatable faucet protector since baby is chewing on faucet as I rinse his penis.
- lay baby on bottom of tub with drain open, soap up a wash cloth, wash residual poopy off baby
- rinse well
- dry off
- carry horrible exersaucer to back yard
- spend 10 minutes figuring out how to attach weird garden hose that landlord left us
- give awkward explanation to teenager next door about a bad blowout and why I am in the yard and still in my PJs past noon.
- disassemble exersaucer while getting as little corn poop as possible on myself (baby in swing observed thru window/audible thru door – I know, bad mommy!)
- set hose to strongest flow- rinse, repeat. Get Lysol, spray, scrub, rinse, repeat.
- leave exersaucer in sun to dry, leave sponge now designated for singular purpose
- put poopy exersaucer seat, and towels in washer. Set to ‘active wear’ for LLLOOONNNGG wash cycle.
- baby falls asleep
- forget the gym. Plan to go for a run. Watch Merve Griffin’s Crosswords while baby naps.
Have a great day knowing that my baby’s colon is CLLEEEEAAANN!
PS: the Jehovah’s Witnesses came by to tell the world is ending. I spent my last day cleaning corn poopy. Awesome.
