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Judith Van Atta Roenke. I am a Navy Submariner wife. Triathlete. I am the proud mommy of Henry the Fifth and Peter Tristum. Welcome to my Blog...

Friday, May 23, 2008

why I won't feed baby any more corn

Why I am still not at the gym.

I was reading an email from pal Lisa who is helping with Little H’s sleep patterns. I looked down at the computer. I heard squeals of delight. I looked up at the exersaucer and saw little toes squishing in this.


I grabbed the camera which made him angry. Once I snapped a few shots I had to make a plan of action.

  1. Get one of the old dog towels
  2. lay towel down, set baby on towel, roll into burrito, take photo of angry stinky burrito

  1. carry poopy burrito to bathroom
  2. quickly remove toy bag and toys from tub to avoid cross contamination before human burrito unrolls himself and becomes bathmat-poopybaby-dogtowel sandwich
  3. run poopy baby under faucet. Be happy I bought cheap-o inflatable faucet protector since baby is chewing on faucet as I rinse his penis.
  4. lay baby on bottom of tub with drain open, soap up a wash cloth, wash residual poopy off baby
  5. rinse well
  6. dry off

  1. carry horrible exersaucer to back yard
  2. spend 10 minutes figuring out how to attach weird garden hose that landlord left us
  3. give awkward explanation to teenager next door about a bad blowout and why I am in the yard and still in my PJs past noon.
  4. disassemble exersaucer while getting as little corn poop as possible on myself (baby in swing observed thru window/audible thru door – I know, bad mommy!)
  5. set hose to strongest flow- rinse, repeat. Get Lysol, spray, scrub, rinse, repeat.
  6. leave exersaucer in sun to dry, leave sponge now designated for singular purpose
  7. put poopy exersaucer seat, and towels in washer. Set to ‘active wear’ for LLLOOONNNGG wash cycle.
  8. baby falls asleep
  9. forget the gym. Plan to go for a run. Watch Merve Griffin’s Crosswords while baby naps.

Have a great day knowing that my baby’s colon is CLLEEEEAAANN!

PS: the Jehovah’s Witnesses came by to tell the world is ending. I spent my last day cleaning corn poopy. Awesome.